Where it all began
I was 10 when I started wearing a jumper around my waist when I went to school. No matter the weather. It was either on, and long enough that it covered my bum or it was tied around my waist a-la the 90s.
That’s the first time I remember feeling as though there was something wrong with my body.
A sense of bigness, too bigness followed me for the first 30 years of my life. Undiagnosed autistic, I found ways to cope with the overwhelming pressure to fit in and be accepted. The pressure to be thin.
I binged. I purged. I self harmed. I whipped myself into a frenzy of low carb, no sugar, calorie deficit hell.
And when I could no longer sustain those behaviours, I ran. I exercised to the point of exhaustion. I pulled tendons. Tore ligaments. I ended up in a moon boot.
Then when I couldn't run anymore I started lifting weights. Immediately addicted to the endorphins, the feeling of strength, the community aspect - I found it hard to disconnect, rest, take time out - what if it all fell away?
2021
It wasn’t until I became a mother and was subsequently diagnosed with Autism that I was finally able to rewrite my relationship with my body.
I could finally connect with the idea of pace. Slowing down. I could see my goals in the context of what I wanted to be, where I wanted to go. Rather than everything I was running from. I could allow time to stretch itself out and understand that this was a forever gig. It was no longer about being thin or desired. There was no quick fix. It was about being strong. Capable. Forever. It was about being the kind of woman who could fight off a bear to protect her family. That’s not to say that I don’t feel inherent worth. It came soon after, but it was seeing my worth through an entirely different lens, that allowed me to step back from the deficit mindset that had plagued the first 30 years of my life.
It makes my heart hurt to think of all the energy and potential we waste on wanting to be thin.
The cliff notes version
I have a social work degree, as well as my Fitness Cert III & IV
I have always wanted to help people but after a few years in Child Protective Services (fresh out of uni) and suffering from anxiety and depression, my disordered eating and overexercising was out of control. I had to find a better way and enrolled in studies to become a fitness professional.
I have a black belt and a butt load of trauma
Between 2012 and 2021 I had the hardest decade of my life. After losing 2 friends to suicide, supporting multiple friends and family on their own mental health journeys, a sexual assault in 2017, then covid, then a baby, I never really felt like I had a moment to catch my breath. Things came crashing down after I received my ASD diagnosis and I sank into burnout for a good while. So, if you want to talk tough times- I get it.
I’ve had lots of jobs, but always come back to this work
Need me to saddle a horse? Write a work out program? Come up with a domestic violence safety plan? Make the best coffee of your life? I’m your girl. Being an undiagnosed autistic women, I’ve looked to ‘find myself’ in lots of different occupations. No matter what I always end up back working with women
I’m an overstimulated toddler mum
Time is luxury that we don’t all enjoy. When I became a mum I regretted every piece of time advice I ever gave mum clients in the past. It is not easy and the juggle is intense, even more so if you’re neurodivergent. The biggest learning I had here was how skewed my perspective was around what my training needed to look like. 2 x 45 min weight workouts a week is all I currently commit to and that’s ok.
I have a history of eating disorders and an autism diagnosis
As a kid I never felt as though I fit in. There was always something off, something awry. I found solace in my teenage years by controlling everything I ate and becoming obsessed with the idea of being skinny. Now days I have much more respect for my body and work from a place a love, not hate.
I have worked with hundreds of women over the past 10 yrs
During my time in entrepreneurship and even before than, when I worked as a social worker, I have worked with hundreds of women on moving towards their goals. Acknowledging the role that patriarchy plays in the way we view ourselves, the pursuit of the perfect body, the perfect everything. I have always sought to teach women how to see these forces for what they really are and realise how beautiful life can be.
What now…?
With a very cool intersection of skills (social work degree came in hand eventually), I use a combination of health and nutrition coaching, counselling and practical fitness programming to encourage and support my clients to find their peace.
To work in relationship with their bodies.
To engage with the idea of the long game.
This is a forever gig.
